Reunion dinner
with the Ang family at Yan Palace.
yu sheng!
within chinatown but didn't want to go squeezing with the people there.
really miss having steamboat at ahmajia!
actually, it's quite good to have it at 9.30.
by the time we finish eating,
it's already 11 plus and time to go temple.
we have been going to temples every year ever since i remember.
though i may not always go in due to the crowd,
it's still alright to wait outside.
:)

1st day of CNY
started and ended at grandma's place.
lol coz mum was enjoying her majong game and dad was busy.
don't like buffet!
convenient but can never be compared to the yummilicous mee swa.
ok..i didn't really like to eat mee swa last time
but it's certainly the best of all!
smile. smile. smile.
tv, cards, photos.

2nd day of CNY
was the visiting day.
saw little guilin and thought it's so nice!
mum said i went there when i was three but i have no impression at all.
then it was grandma's cooking! :)

3rd day of CNY
woke up late as usual so had buffet brunch at grand corpthorne.
yu sheng again.
those malay waiters are so cute in
the chinese costume with the pigtail cap.
haha.
the desserts are so pretty!
so chocolatey! :)
but i really can't eat much for buffet lah xP
went to aunt's pretty house..
so nice!
candles by the bed.
cosy and sweet.

*shall post photos on another day!*
11:46 PM

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Happy Chinese New Year!!!
2:11 AM

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perhaps i've changed.
perhaps i no longer know what's love.

love at first sight.
do u believe that there's such thing?
i don't.
guess i just think that it is too superficial to like someone coz of looks.

love that develops.
i thought i believed.
i've never liked someone before he tells me so.
then it seems like i'll try to love.

i've always been quite reserved with my feelings.
it seems that when i open up my heart,
it will be hurt the next moment.

promises and eternal vows.
where do they go?

no matter how many things u do,
what happened will never be changed.

***

the week has finally ended!

went to school but didn't listen to ob lecture at all.
it was so boring and
there were many other things that were more interesting xP


8:00 PM

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why does this have to happen every week?

i'm very tired.
don't want anything.

COC?
understudy?
duty?

i'm sorry.
i don't know what are they.
it was the past that i want to know.
no longer so.

many things that may have melted me.
take advantage on my soft side.
but there is this obstruction in my mind that can never be removed.

if there is a choice,
i won't choose to forget u.
i can't forget the past.
i just want to forget who i was.
1:02 AM

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The smell of the new sofa is making me giddy.
i seem to be the only one who can smell it.

school is getting so tiring and work is piling up.
just looking forward for cny so there'll be holiday! :)

went to raffles city and bought a pair of heels
but got to get it at another place.

the things that i like is always sold out, defected or
many many other reasons that make me can't have it.
and what's worse is that i'll like it even more when i can't have it.

Out of the Pan has very nice crepes :)
so yummy!
didn't know that they sell crepes.
rem that during crescent times,
i used to go cityhall very often
and sat by the fountain at raffles city with kit.
it was so nice though we were just eating bread.
:)

.:i miss the days in school:.
10:46 PM

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yay!
did alot of shopping today.
was supposed to shop for bro's cny clothes though x)
was stuck at heeren due to heavy rain.
bumped into mitch n jx at wisma :)
*lovely lovely

im beginning to like flesh imp's tees.
gona buy more!
dinner at ding tai fung.
not bad..love the sour plum juice.

i'm sneezing non-stop.
cough is getting better.
but i still sound sick.

no idea why people say i look like sixteen :(

skipped biz law tut on fri as i wasn't feeling well
feel real bad :(
it was quite a sad day.
i did nonsense.
at least i'm still trying to get to what i want.
11:53 PM

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why can't u just let me go.
and stop hurting me.

i no longer go.
because it has become a phobia just to look at it.

i no longer care.
because of the many times u showed me the consequences of being
soft-hearted.

i no longer hope.
because it only brings disappointments.

i no longer feel.
because my heart was smashed.

i no longer love.
because i loved with all my heart.


i no longer want to see u.
7:52 PM

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i'm sick again :(
think it's affected by my mood.
happened quite a few times.
should i go sch tmr?
10:36 PM

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I'm feeling rather confused now.
what will happen tmr?
it seems that i'm supposed to do something.
i would have thought of loads of stuffs and
be so excited that i won't be able to get to sleep.

but i've changed.
did everything that happened made me grow?
it may have made me start living
by myself,
it also made me live
as myself and
for myself.

or is it just because that i can't find the courage.
the courage to see u and
remind me of everthing that happened.
it's just a total nightmare to me.
i don't want to return to the past.

there may be times when i feel lonely.
there may be times when i admire others.
but i feel that i'm happier now
and i want to continue this way.

i'm just very tired.

i don't need someone to dry my tears
cos i've learnt how to.
i am mean.
i am whatever u say.
but u'll never know how i felt.

i just wana be ur friend.
and i need some time to overcome myself
before i can face u.
hope u'll have a happy birthday.

sigh.
maybe i should stop posting sad posts that makes me cry.

anyway,
movie for the week is
Intimate Confession of A Chinese Courtesan
it's uncensored so felt rather uneasy during some scenes.
hmm. still not bad.
and the lecturer is good!
it actually makes me look forward for elective.
:)
11:41 PM

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Went for first ob tutorial
was chosen to present thoughts about previous lecture.
i had no idea what was it about.
really don't like ob!!
think it's abit like sociology.
just alot of terms and the lesson is boring.

i'm totally lost in tutorials.
even for econs!
so many readings to do.
shall do some biz law readings now
and be prepared for the tutorial on friday
so i won't be so lost.
i hope.
12:20 AM

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went to holland v yesterday.
it was pretty crowded.
had dinner at foster's.
it's been a long time since i last went.

i love that place.
the ambience,
the coziness,
the love songs with the human touch.
perfect i would say.

always wanted to dine there with the special one.
but it never happened.
couldn't help but feel very sad when i was there.
the lovely couples.
everything that i had dreamt of.
but it makes me realise too.
it's the company that makes everything perfect.

someone to share ur day with,
someone to tell u his day at work.
someone who holds and caresses your hands
when they are on the dining table.

wonderful aren't they?
but i never had someone who will share his day with me.

each time u say things that hurt me,
each time u show me that what u did was nothing to u,
each time u remind me of how things will be worse if i turn back,
it just reassures me that the decision i made is
the right one.
3:48 PM

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A tiring and starving day.
2 hours of OB lecture.
then was the comms seminar.
went to class late and when i got in,
was told to be the first to present.
pretty scary!
well, it's over :)

then was the dreadful biz law tutorial.
went into a class with absolutely no one whom i saw before.
most of them are from china
and they are super enthusiastic and knowledgable.
i didn't even do the tutorial and not to mention to read the book.
they seem to know the book inside out!
stare decisis?
ratio decidend?
obiterdicta?
i was totally lost and in my own world
while they were engrossed in their heated arguments.
couldn't concentrate at all and felt sleepy.

it was a sunny day
until when my lessons finally ended and could go home.
it just poured so heavily!
though i had my brolly,
i was partially drenched, pants were soaked
and it was gross walking over the mud.
eeks!
what's worse is that the rain stopped when i boarded the bus.
-.-

oh! it's friday the 13th.
10:33 PM

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It's raining every single day.
and it's so nice to sleep during this kind of weather.
most importantly,
there's no school today so i can sleep late and slack around.
:)

Yesterday was the first elective lecture i went.
caught "One Armed Swordsman" .
was feeling sleepy due to sleeping late at night,
but tried my best to stay awake.
the show was not bad
just that the effects were funny as it is an old film.
the lecturer was rather humourous which made the lecture interesting.
yay! my elective is not a bad one :)

I'm editing my memo now
after deciding that i should write in a first person's point of view.
wanted to do the ppt last night
but spent the time looking at pretty clothes.
tmr will be a dreadful long day.
sigh.
ok..i shall go do my ppt now!
4:16 PM

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*bbrrr*
it's so cold today!
seems to be raining everyday.
hope it won't be too cold in school.

a weird thing happened.
i had a nightmare last night.
being asked non-stop
and i said "No" non-stop.
he had the same dream.
kept asking
but i kept saying no.

it felt real and even woke me up.
didn't know such thing will happen.
10:26 PM

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A long day at school.
caught "The Goddess" for my elective.
it's a 1930s film if i didn't remember wrongly.
a black and white film.
pretty nice show :)

econs tutorial was alright.
just felt wierd in the class full of strangers.
luckily mitch is there with me! :)

had lect and school ended at 1830.
buses were so packed that they didn't even stop.
waited there for a quite a long time until a partially vacant bus came.

went to no signboard seafood for dinner
*chilli crab*
yum yum
think the geylang branch is better than esplanade's
though it's non-aircond.

i said it out today.
straight out.
feel that i'm quite mean.
but i know u can't change.
not for me perhaps.
i don't want to try my luck again.
i can't be hurt again.

i've been wanting for u to change,
wanting u to accept me for who i am.
maybe i should accept u for who u are.
but i can't love u for who u are.
guess i'm not the one afterall.

i'm sure u'll find ur perfect one.
10:31 PM

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It's been raining non-stop since last night.
so cold!

went to cut my hair again.
did that last week but it looked terrible.
it's better now just that i'm not used to my fringe.
think it's rather ugly!!
don't want to go school with it :(
anyway, did an express manicure too!
so nice to feel pampered.

finally bought a thumb drive at funan.
dinner was pretty nice in this weather.
nothing beats warm soup in a rainy day :)

tutorials seems to be piling up.
i'm dreading the individual presentation on fri.
don't know how to start the ppt at all.
and no idea what is business law about!

Fancl facial washing powder is not bad and it's so cute!
*bubbles bubbles*
10:29 PM

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Raining day.
smses.
phone calls.
i just said no.
actually felt the fear of the past.
i don't want history to repeat itself.
felt so terrible just to go down.
even cried.
what's happening to me?

excuse of taking letters.
went down.
box of home made wanton fried by u.
the wallet that i returned.
not a word.
just a look.
took them.
went home.

still the same.

trust?
none.
anger?
more.
hatred?
never ending.
7:01 PM

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The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when everything is uncertain, one moment heaven... the next moment hell. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

i think it's quite true just that for this moment, my heart is dead.

won't u lose all ur courage to love when ur most trusted one threw it away. when the least expected person in the world hurt u the most.

i lost the keys to my heart.

12:34 AM

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started the day changing my timetable.
got a 4- days week!
yay! :)
so my elective is now understanding chinese cinemas in english.
lol.

went shopping after that.
chinatown and PS.
i seem to be buying alot of things.
spending non-stop.
for these past 2 months i've been spending ALOT.
pretty dresses makes me happy :)

thought that cny will just be 2 days.
sun & mon.
i just realised a few days ago that tues is gona be a holiday too.
no school!
it's too early to get happy over it.
there should be loads of make up lessons.

the first seminar will start tmr.
im not used to waking up early.
what's worse is that there will be essays to do.

I'm so tired.

what is gd nite?
11:34 PM

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First day of school!
third day of the year.
my year didn't start well,
but hope that it will be a good one
and end well too.

went to school and printed notes with very long queues.
lecture was rather boring but the company was fun!
geri: I'm alright, thanks for always being there :)

oh dear..
i got cinematic pleasures as my elective.
and my english is so lau ya!
hope its not too tough for me.

i want to change my timetable again!
please pray that i will get 4 days week.
i want to get in the same class as the others.
but can't :(
guess i shouldn't be too bothered about
getting into class with no one i know.

the more i think of it,
the sadder i get.
everything just seem to remind me of u.
the safti tower that i'm going to see everyday.
people in uniforms.
it hurts.
but at least i'm feeling better than i was.

i may not be able to bear hatred with you
i don't expect u to do anything.
i don't want too.
just hope that we will just be friends.
it makes me feel loads better just to know that u are alright too.
but i just want to be ur friend.

one day i will say this:
I cried today.
not because i miss you
or even want you back
its because i finally realize that
im gonna be fine
without you.

this day will come.
11:18 PM

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i believe that i did my best.
it was the best that i'll ever be.

i feel like i've lost my wallet.
and got to put everything back in place.
piece by piece.
bit by bit.
a different one afterall.

escape or face it?

recalling the sound of pearls shattering to the ground,
like the rain.
u can pick up the beads
but u can't pick up the tears that went with it.

at times tears fill my eyes.
i can control them can't i?
it's just crying inside when i'm not allowed to.

at times i stare at the phone.
i would've pressed the same digits even if i close my eyes.
i thought i would.
but i didn't.

when i hurt my knee,
i will have this feeling to be careful and not to hurt it again.
this protective feeling.
and i'm feeling it this time except that its not my knee.

when i think about the past,
it aches and seems to shrink.
but who will protect it when even u don't?
i will.
by myself.

it's not up to me now.
there is no choice anymore.
i chose it this way
cos i know i'm too weak to be strong.
now that walls are built,
everything has to become a memory.
bitter or sweet?
they are still memories.
6:03 PM

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it's not the first time.
it will never be the last time.
it was a nightmare
which i felt i could just disappear.

i keep thinking that it's my fault.
to cause the chaos.

where did i get the courage from.
was it because that i want it to end up in a way that nothing can be reversed?

flashbacks of last night keep coming back.
they are haunting me.
i feel very sorry to the others who are involved.
haiz.
the only thing i can do is not cause it anymore by not being there at all.

thanks mitch for being there.
"it's not about if he still loves you. "
i know u love me.
but i rather u don't.

thanks to serena for accompanying me home.
" a relationship is about mutual respect. "

why am i just so silly.
i hate myself.
i just wish i can lose my memory.
i wish i can disappear.
3:15 PM

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